Upside Down World

When I was a kid I used to like to stand on my head and pretend the floor was the ceiling and the ceiling was the floor.  This created a whole new world to inhabit.  Actually, who am I kidding?  I still like to do this.  I suppose there's some lesson here about how a simple shift in perspective can completely change your outlook on things, but honestly I just think it's cool.

Poor Choices in Godparenting

When it comes to selecting a godmother for your child, should you really choose a fairy?  I mean it's great in stories and all, but when the going gets tough and you need some good godmothering you're going to look silly standing there waiting for a fairy to show up.  Even if they existed, they're kind of flighty.  Maybe you should trust in someone a little more reliable.

On a similar note choosing a mobster to be your godfather is also probably not the greatest of ideas.

Robot Aliens

Robots are awesome, as are aliens.  It occurs to me that given the vast distances of space, might it be possible that aliens would send robots out to explore?  So that the first aliens we encounter might, in fact, also be robots?  The sheer awesomeness of this boggles the mind.

Dog Baseball

It's October, which means crisp fall days, pumpkin beer, Halloween, and baseball playoffs.  I'm not the world's hugest fan, but I enjoy a little bit of baseball especially when it comes to the playoffs.  I was watching a couple innings the other day and it occurred to me how much more entertaining this would be if we could teach dogs to play baseball.  They're already a good part of the way there.  They like to chase after balls and carry sticks around.  They also like to chew on stuff so they seem like they'd be naturals for chewing tobacco.  Honestly just the idea of dogs in baseball uniforms cracks me up.  Let's make it happen.

Popular Music Sucks

 I know music taste is subjective and whatnot, but let's be honest here.  Today's popular music is horrendous.  I realize I'm old and crotchety and it's aimed at kids, but these kids are developing super crappy taste in music because they're being force fed crap.  Not only is it played on the radio and featured on tv, but it's reinforced by getting good reviews in major media outlets.  I was reading Entertainment Weekly recently and they gave a Miley Cyrus album an A rating.  This is following a long line of positive reviews to the likes of Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga and all that nonsense.  Really Entertainment Weekly?  This is what you're trying to pass off as quality music?  As high art?  You're saying these "artists" are carrying on the legacy of the Beatles, Bob Dylan, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin among others?  I understand this crap is popular and people want to read about it, but a major part of the reason it's popular is because media outlets keep spotlighting it and giving it a pass.  And thus more people get inspired to make the same sort of vacuous garbage.  Anyone actually trying to do anything worthwhile is basically doomed to complete obscurity.

I refuse to buy into this narrative that this stuff actually has any artistic merit.  Let's call it what it actually is: bullshit for twelve year old girls and let's shine a spotlight on actual quality music for adventurous adult listeners.  All right?

Resolving Our Differences Through Dance

So there's a government shutdown going on.  It's the usual garbage.  Republicans and Democrats hate each other and refuse to actually do their jobs and work on behalf of the American people because they'd rather be stubborn just to spite each other.  So my new idea is to resolve all political logjams through dance-offs.  I think all of the Republican congressmen should have to line up on one side and all the Democrats on the other and then one by one they go in the middle and face off in a dance competition.  They have to be in their suits they wear to congress as they dance.

I'm all in favor of this to resolve international disputes as well, by the way.

Wizard Fashions

It's too bad the whole pointy hat, long flowing beards, and robes with moon and star patterns look is so closely associated with wizards.  I'd love to see other occupations adopt this look.  Say like bankers, fire fighters, basketball players... hell even fashion models.  Come on fashion designers!  Grow a pair and make some wizard chic outfits!  You know you want to.

Government Shutdowns Throughout History

Government shutdowns happen, man.  I'm sure once in awhile back in Roman times Augustus Caesar was hungover and was like "Fuck it.  Government's closed today."  From what I understand the Greeks shut down everything any time there was a chance to have an Olympics.  Hell, King Henry VIII probably beheaded a couple wives due to indigestion.  Do you think he was "governing" while he had explosive diarrhea?  Hell no!

Trading Places

I wish we could take noted geniuses of the past and transport them to modern times.  What would Mozart or Bach do with electronic instruments and studio trickery?  Would Will Shakespeare be the awesomest rapper ever?  How about if we could put Isaac Newton to work on modern day science problems?

In exchange I would happily send back in time such "top" artists of today as Lady Gaga, Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber, or whoever else inhabits the top 40 charts these days.  The past is welcome to them.  Really.

Alien Music

So assuming aliens possess a sense of hearing and they find certain sounds pleasurable, what kind of music would they make and enjoy listening to?  Would it be shrill noise?  Would it be odd but strangely melodic? Would it exist in frequencies we can't hear?  Would aliens find the Beatles pleasant to listen to?

If they did like music similar to ours would they have stumbled upon the same musical instruments? Somewhere out there is there an alien Jimi Hendrix rocking out on electric guitar?  Was Jimi Hendrix, in fact, an alien?